Worst Dressed the Third Part 1

Nothing gives me joy quite like ripping apart someone's absolutely heinous outift. So, here I go!

So there are some great elements here. Lace, fringe, leopard print shoes. But there are two problems; first, the dress is a friggin turtleneck... She isn't Howard! Second, hasn't she heard too many cooks spoils the bunch? You shouldn't combine lace AND fringe AND leopard print shoes! AHHHHH!

So there is a plethora of issues. First, it looks like Edward was exposed to the sun and now his hands are trying to grab Hayden's boobs. Second, she's wearing her dress backwards because the seem is right down the middle. Third, the dress is velvet. A VELVET DRESS!!!! Velvet is great... in a vintage hobo bag. That is about the extent of his greatness. Finally, the black velvet shoes and black tights just make her look like a burnt piece of food from the oven.

So... where does one begin win outfit such as this? Well, k, from the breasts down the dress us actually ok. But the neck, oh the neck. If thats style, I will totally just walk out of my house wearing my housecoat wrapped real tight around my neck like that! Hopefully people will compare me to Klum! also have some mondo mondo MONDO problems with her shoes. Not the actual shoes, perse, but rather the fact that they match her dress. I haven't matched my shoes to my dress since... oh wait... I never have. BARBIES DO THAT. Oh, and her hair is nasty.

K, I do not understand, like at all, why Jennifer Lopez, and several other stars for that matter, feel they need to pull their hair back so tightly that their eyebrows end up on their forehead. Like I am completely puzzled. It hurts like crap and it looks disgusting. Like so ugly. However, beyond her bizarre hair removal technique, I am completely puzzled by the dress... she looks like a bumblebee! I hate bumblebees! I try and squish them whenever possible! Who would try and impersonate one??? On the plus side, I realised why her hair is pulled back so tightly... she's making room for her antenna hairband.

Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Greased back hair. Bad. Satin boyfriend blazer. Bad. Ill fitting VELVET (again?!?!) pencil skirt that is WAY too long! Bad. Black patent leather ankle booties. Okay... BUT NOT WITH SCUFF MARKS! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.

So. Wooooo. Ok. Hair pulled back in my faavourite (SARCASM) hair style. Now, I know she gave birth a few months ago. And if she dressed like any other woman who had given births a few months before I would not crucify her as I am about to do now. So it looks like she took the strap from her dress and then bunched it up into a big ole ball and then stapled it in a kind of awkward place on her dress. I don't have a problem with sparkly sheaths. Katherine Heigl, Brooke Shields and Carrie Underwood have donned some absolutely amazing ones! This is not one of them. It looks like she took burgundy silk and covered it in crayola sparkle glue. And the dress doesn't fit. It is much too small and you can see her underwear lines... in the front... I didn't even know that was possible. But apparently it is. Who knew. Finally, she has some fabulous shoes. But they don't match the dress. I am just so absolutely confounded!

Jennifer Lopez... again. In my favourite hair... again. At least she doesn't look like a bumblebee this time. Instead, she is trying to recycle! She took a leaf bag, sewed some sequins on it (and props, because I didn't give her the credit to know what a sewing needle was) cut some holes into it and then took a big black ribbon and tried to tie herself a waist. FAILED. Cute shoes though.