(Title Uknown)

I apologize because yet again this is not a fashion post, but rather a place where I can put my thoughts down and not have to see the judgemental faces staring back at me. My life right now is going really well. Honestly it is. I have a few (very few, but still some) really great friends. I have a great family. I have a fantastic boyfriend. All the people I love are in a state of general good health. I am losing weight. I am becoming more the person I really want to be and less the person I cannot stand being. I have a job I love (well as much as one can love a job). I finished my first year of school with a pretty decent GPA. I am making some good money, and my nails are a lovely shade of purple. I don't have to worry where my next meal is coming from, and I can confidently say I will never accidentally get pregnant. My bed is soft, my clothes are clean (except for my uniform... Damn you cute cocker spaniel puppy, damn you!). I am listening to a beautiful piece of music, Adrift, by Typhus333. I know I am able to put gas in my car tomorrow, and I have no drama in my life right now. I should be right as rain; a perky Patty (yah, I just said that). Sadly I am not.

I work with some really great people. And I have some friends that are really great people. And they have the most depressing lives, and I cannot help but feel depressed for them. Their lives sound almost unliveable, but everyday they wake up and go through it all again. Here ared some of the stories.

Woman "A" had a child with a man she has absolutely no feelings for. Instead of marvelling in her child and loving the father, she is trying to work to make all the money she can for her one-year old, and trying to find something loveable in the sperm donor.

Woman "B" is almost 20, and dropped out of highschool in grade 10. She's slept with more guys then I have toes and now lives in a one bedroom apartment. She works fulltime to make ends meet, and has a bad word vocabulary that I cannot even fathom. Her "fiance" is some back home redneck who has an intolerable family, and will probably keep them from getting married. She smokes like a chimney and will prolly die of lung cancer before she hits 40.

Girl "C" is a fresh 18 year old who entered university with high hopes and expectations. She is brilliant, but oh so blind to the fact that she is trying to bleed a rock for affection. She wants to be loved, and I cannot blame her, but she is getting used, and thrown aside like a dirty kleenex.

Girl "D" is very much like "C". She is smart and funny. Also desperate for some kind of attention, she slept with some guy who rubbed her leg in class and now wants nothing to do with her. I am currently awaiting her text to find out the result of her pregnancy test.

 I want to help them. I want to say something that will help them feel ok. But I know there is absolutely nothing that I can do. I feel so badly for them. I also feel scared because I understand them. I understand what it is like to want to be loved and noticed. To have someone that cares for you and stuff. I know it is hard when the one guy you want to notice you doesn't even know you exist. I know thats tough. But how can I, someone who currently has been really blessed, even begin to find a way to help them? What do I know about pregnancy tests and condoms and trying to love someone you had a child with?!?!?! Nothing! My true source of sadness comes not fully from the fact that I cannot help  them, but partly from the fact that I wouldn't trade them my life for the world; I feel for them but at the same time, I am so glad I am not them.

Am I a horrible person? Is it bad that I don't envy them one bit? Is it bad that I also kind of think instead of worrying I should just be content with how blessed I am?

There are way too many questions in my head right now. Regardless of all the fog and smoke screen I have up there, I do know that I have a great life. And I love the people that make it that way. And I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. And no matter how crappy I think things are going, I always need to be thankful that I am not worried about pregnancy or making ends meet or trying to get my GED.